I know it
sounds random, but I just watched The Dead Zone the other day, and oh my
goodness, how dorky looking was Christopher in that movie?! His goofy smile and
those big, silly glasses – I just wanted to teleport into the movie and ravish
him. Never in a million years did I think I would be sexually attracted to
Christopher Walken, but man, he was so adorable in that movie! Of course, there
are other reasons I wish I could toke up with Christopher right now, but first,
I had to clarify why I chose him in the early 1980s. …And, now I need to change
my panties.
AHEM, moving on
– it’s no secret Christopher Walken is freaking hilarious. Everyone is aware of
his brilliance on the big screen, but do the younger folks out there know just
how incredible Christopher is on the dance floor?! If not, please refer to Fatboy
Slim’s “Weapon of Choice” music video.
Now, I imagine
my smoke session with Christopher to be nothing short of awkward bliss. He’d
sit there with a serious face while I ramble on about butt hair, flaccid
penises, crack houses or whatever else comes to mind. Then, about a half hour
in, he’d start acting weird as shit, but still with that serious look on his
face. Like, maybe he’d just randomly stand up, stare me straight in the eyes and
balance a flower pot on his head. You never know.
After a while, we’d
definitely have an epic dance-off to De La Soul’s “Keepin’ the Faith.” My
brother and I used to love dancing to that song – there is so much potential
with it. And not to brag or anything, but I am a pretty rockin’ dancer myself,
so Christopher had better watch out!
Of course then,
we would be hungry as hell after all that dancing, so we’d make some chicken
and pears, one of Christopher’s specialties. And, once we were done eating,
we’d fall asleep, cuddled up on a blanket under the stars… It’d be the most
perfect smoke session EVER.
The Dong Files 