Tag Archives: friendship

Forgotten

I just don’t belong, I am the forgotten one.
You may try to convince me otherwise.
But your actions speak louder than your words.
This happens all too often.
They say they like me, they consider me a friend.
Every time, I fall for it. Every single time.
But you can’t call someone a friend, and not make plans with them.
You can’t call someone a friend, and never reach out.
And I know they have the time, they can put forth the effort.
I see them making plans with other friends, I see them reaching out.
People. They treat me differently.
They say one thing, but do another.
And why?
Why even call me their friend? Why even feed me those lies?
If they really do consider me a friend, why don’t they show me they care?
Why don’t they hang out with me? Why don’t they reach out?
I try hard not to make a big deal of it, I try hard to shrug it off.
I’m an adult, I don’t need friends. I tell myself.
But it hurts.
It hurts to see them hang out with other friends. It hurts to see them reach out.
…The way they said they would with me.
So what is wrong with me?
Do I not deserve their attention? Their effort? Their time?
My life feels empty without friends.
But no one seems to care. No one cares at all.
I just don’t belong, I am the forgotten one.


Soul Searching

I am a real terror, a nightmare. I feel bad for those who know me personally.

What the fuck is wrong with the ones who actually choose to stick around? They are all messes, too. But, that’s okay.

They feel things intensely; their thoughts are complex. They are all fascinating in their own ways.

I appreciate their neurosis, their attempts at empathy. I am grateful for our extraordinary times together.

I want to be a good friend. They all deserve a good friend.

But yet, I still feel so detached. Something is missing.

My soul craves a mate of identical dimension – on all fronts. Another psyche with the same capacity for thought and knowledge, with the same moral compass and mental derangements.

I have yet to meet my match.

Perhaps soulmates do not exist. Perhaps I should just focus on the friendships I already have.

But again, I am a real terror, a nightmare. For the sake of my sanity, I need to find the mate my soul craves. I need to connect with a psyche of identical dimension.

How else am I to make any sense of my existence? The simplistic explanations won’t cut it.

Why, oh why? Life can be so overwhelming and lonely, when your mind reaches unparalleled depths.