I am a real terror, a nightmare. I feel bad for those who know me personally.

What the fuck is wrong with the ones who actually choose to stick around? They are all messes, too. But, that’s okay.

They feel things intensely; their thoughts are complex. They are all fascinating in their own ways.

I appreciate their neurosis, their attempts at empathy. I am grateful for our extraordinary times together.

I want to be a good friend. They all deserve a good friend.

But yet, I still feel so detached. Something is missing.

My soul craves a mate of identical dimension – on all fronts. Another psyche with the same capacity for thought and knowledge, with the same moral compass and mental derangements.

I have yet to meet my match.

Perhaps soulmates do not exist. Perhaps I should just focus on the friendships I already have.

But again, I am a real terror, a nightmare. For the sake of my sanity, I need to find the mate my soul craves. I need to connect with a psyche of identical dimension.

How else am I to make any sense of my existence? The simplistic explanations won’t cut it.

Why, oh why? Life can be so overwhelming and lonely, when your mind reaches unparalleled depths.