I know it sounds random, but I just watched The Dead Zone the other day, and oh my goodness, how dorky looking was Christopher in that movie?! His goofy smile and those big, silly glasses – I just wanted to teleport into the movie and ravish him. Never in a million years did I think I would be sexually attracted to Christopher Walken, but man, he was so adorable in that movie! Of course, there are other reasons I wish I could toke up with Christopher right now, but first, I had to clarify why I chose him in the early 1980s. …And, now I need to change my panties.

AHEM, moving on – it’s no secret Christopher Walken is freaking hilarious. Everyone is aware of his brilliance on the big screen, but do the younger folks out there know just how incredible Christopher is on the dance floor?! If not, please refer to Fatboy Slim’s “Weapon of Choice” music video.

Now, I imagine my smoke session with Christopher to be nothing short of awkward bliss. He’d sit there with a serious face while I ramble on about butt hair, flaccid penises, crack houses or whatever else comes to mind. Then, about a half hour in, he’d start acting weird as shit, but still with that serious look on his face. Like, maybe he’d just randomly stand up, stare me straight in the eyes and balance a flower pot on his head. You never know.

After a while, we’d definitely have an epic dance-off to De La Soul’s “Keepin’ the Faith.” My brother and I used to love dancing to that song – there is so much potential with it. And not to brag or anything, but I am a pretty rockin’ dancer myself, so Christopher had better watch out!

Of course then, we would be hungry as hell after all that dancing, so we’d make some chicken and pears, one of Christopher’s specialties. And, once we were done eating, we’d fall asleep, cuddled up on a blanket under the stars… It’d be the most perfect smoke session EVER.