Never Touch a Woman’s Things

“Georgie, darling, which shirt should I wear tonight?” Joe stepped out of his walk-in closet with two dress shirts – one blue, the other maroon. Georgie, his girlfriend, sat on a rocking chair in the corner of his room, her glass eyes staring straight ahead. Joe walked over to her and stood directly in her gaze. 

“Oh baby, I know you hate when I go for a night on the town…” Joe bent over and kissed Georgie on the forehead. She didn’t budge. “Don’t be upset. Think about the reward!” 

Joe turned and faced the full-length mirror next to Georgie. He held up each shirt to his chest. “Maroon it is!” He put the blue shirt back in his closet and went into the bathroom to get ready. When he returned, he wore his maroon dress shirt untucked with designer blue jeans. His hair was slick back and he reeked of cheap cologne. He sat down on his bed to put on his shoes.

“I will be back as soon as possible, you know that,” Joe said to Georgie. “Why don’t you try to get some rest while I’m gone? I’ll shower you with gifts as soon as I return. Nothing but the best for my love!” 

Joe stood up and pulled back the blankets on one side of the bed. He picked up Georgie out of the rocking chair and stripped her of her pink gown. “No panties today, baby? You’re such a naughty girl. I can’t wait to ravish you later.” He tucked her in and kissed her soft, silicone lips. “I love you, darling,” he whispered, as he turned out the lights.

Joe drove to a bar called Liberty’s on the other side of town where no one knew him. Word on the street was that many of the regulars at this bar were desperate divorcees. 

Looks like the rumors are true, Joe thought, as he scoured the bar area. Liberty’s was a relatively small place, with just enough room for a couple tables along the back wall. On this particular night, the odds seemed to be in his favor, with more women than men standing around. Joe ordered a whiskey on the rocks and sat on a stool at the end of the bar.

“Well, look at you,” slurred the young woman next to him. “My name is Erica.” 

“Nice to meet you, Erica,” Joe beamed. Erica was exactly who he was hoping to meet. She wore a fitted purple dress that showed off her toned legs and accessorized with nothing but gold. Georgie would love this outfit.

Erica leaned in close to Joe and put her hand on his thigh. “You’re cute. Do you want to come home with me?” She asked. Judging by her droopy eyelids, swaying and aggressive advances, Erica may have had one too many drinks. Joe didn’t care though, this was the perfect opportunity.

“Sure,” he replied. “I’ll drive.” 

Erica directed Joe to a charming apartment complex just 5 blocks from Liberty’s. Her studio was in the back. As she struggled to get her key in the lock, it became clear to Joe that Erica may be a bit too drunk to fuck. Good. Eventually, Erica managed to get the door open. 

“What a lovely home you have,” Joe exclaimed. He really did like it. It reminded him of a rock star’s dressing room. Georgie would like it here too.

“It’s all I can afford,” spouted Erica. Joe looked around while she rambled on about her stupid ex-husband and their recent divorce. He admired her wardrobe – her dresses, her jewelry, her shoes. Georgie is going to freak.

“Hey Erica, where’s the – “ He turned around and saw Erica passed out on her bed, still wearing her sexy purple dress. Nevermind. He lifted his shirt and pulled out a neatly folded bag that he had stashed under his belt. 

He walked straight to Erica’s clothing racks. One dress in particular stood out to him. It was a low-cut black mini that would really show off Georgie’s fantastic perky tits. Joe was getting a boner just thinking about it. He grabbed the dress off its hanger and shoved it in his bag. Now I need accessories. 

Erica was a big fan of gold, just like Georgie. She had gaudy gold necklaces and bangle bracelets spread across her vanity. Joe picked up each piece, one by one, and analyzed it. Nothing but the best for his love. 

Across the room, Erica stirred in bed. “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!” She yelled. 

Before Joe could even think, Erica had him pushed down against her vanity. She grabbed him by his shirt with one hand and yanked him close. Oh shit, this bitch is strong.

“Listen here, mister. You better tell me what the fuck you’re doing, or I will beat the shit out of you.” Erica slapped Joe across the face, and she continued to slap him until he finally caved.

“Okay, okay, I’ll speak,” he cried. “They’re gifts… for my girlfriend… She can’t move.”

“Take me to her now,” demanded Erica. Joe agreed, and together they drove across town to his studio, which was very plain and uninspiring compared to Erica’s. 

“Well, here we are,” Joe chuckled nervously. He opened his door much quicker than Erica did hers earlier. He turned on a light and called out to Georgie, “Honey, I’m home and I brought someone with me who is just dying to meet you.”

Erica’s mouth dropped as soon as she saw Georgie’s lifeless body in bed. “Um, is that what I think it is? Is that a fucking sex doll?!” She hollered. “Your girlfriend is a fucking sex doll?!” 

Joe stood completely still as Erica roared with laughter. “I love her…” He muttered. 

Erica took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. She looked Joe in the eyes and said, “Oh honey, of course you do.” She smiled. He smiled back. Then, BAM! Erica knocked Joe out with just one punch. “Eat shit,” she said and spit in his hair.

When Joe woke up, he was alone in his bed. Everything hurt – his head throbbed, his muscles ached, but worst of all was the shooting pain in his pelvic area. “What happened to me?!” He screamed. He could barely move but was able to muster up enough strength to lift the blanket. He wanted to inspect his body but he was wrapped tight in layers of blood-soaked bandages. “Oh my God, what happened?! Georgie? Georgie! Where are you?!” 

Joe spotted an envelope on the pillow next to him. Inside was a photograph. “No, no no,” he wailed. He could not believe his eyes. He looked down at his bandaged pelvis and then back at the photo. How could this be? Erica had cut off his dick and fucked Georgie with it. She took a selfie while railing Georgie from behind with his dick! “Why?!” He shrieked, and then he noticed the note on the back.

It read, “Never touch a woman’s things. Georgie’s mine now, bitch. Oh, and so is your dick. Peace.”